“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another,and feeling with the heart of another…”-Alfred AdlerEmpathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another person. In simple words, it is like putting yourself in someone’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Empathy involves listening, understanding and responding with compassion. It plays a crucial role in both- personal and professional relationships. It is a powerful tool to resolve conflicts. In the mediation process, the mediator should be empathetic, which means the mediator should have the ability to listen, to understand and to respond with compassion. It allows them to connect with the parties, understand their emotions, providing environment of trust. With this practice, the mediator helps parties to move towards the resolution of disputes more effectively. Specifically, in family matters, this skill is crucial to deal with the emotional breakdown of the parties. Otherwise, emotional reactions can derail the process. Advocate Chhaya Golatgaonkar, Mediation Expert, Founder & Director at Advocate CSG & Associates, shares a few case studies to frame a picture of this.
Case-1.:
A husband and wife approached me with the intention of filing a divorce petition. Both were emotionally exhausted, deeply hurt, and firmly convinced that separation was the only solution. Their stories reflected years of unresolved conflicts and a complete breakdown of communication. I initiated the process through individual and joint sessions, providing each party a safe and non-judgmental space to express their anger, grief, fear, love and sense of loss. These sessions revealed that beneath the demand for divorce, there are emotional wounds, misunderstandings, and insecurities. The focus of the session was on empathetic listening, validating emotions without the blame game. After 10 sessions, the conversation shifted from accusations to underlying needs and expectations. Finally, through 19 sessions, facilitation for communication and helping in understanding each other’s emotional needs resulted in reconciliation. The couple decided not to proceed with the divorce. Instead, they chose to work on their relationship and wanted to give them a chance.
This case reaffirmed that, even in high-conflict situations in family matters where there is emotional crisis, empathetic mediation can transform the situation into understanding and prevent irreversible decisions, allowing families the opportunity to reconcile rather than divorce.
Case-2.:
A couple approached me. They had been in matrimonial litigation with multiple cases pending before different courts for over 10 years. The situation of the parties was worse due to a long-term legal battle, an emotional crisis, child (10yrs old) was suffering, the wife was suffering from anxiety. In the mediation process, individual sessions were conducted to understand emotional distress. The wife’s anxiety and emotional vulnerability were acknowledged, and the need for psychological intervention was sensitively discussed. Joint mediation sessions subsequently facilitated structured communication. As a result of the mediation process, the wife agreed to seek appropriate medical and psychological treatment, and both parties agreed to withdraw their cases against each other. Husband agreed to give permanent alimony for both wife and child.This case underlines the importance of empathy as a tool of mediation in high-conflict family matters. Parties resolved their conflicts, obtained a decree of divorce by mutual consent, thereby concluding a decade-long litigation.The above two cases explain well that the mediation process in family matters aims to resolve conflicts amicably. Empathy, as a tool of mediation, is strengthening the Mediator and Mediation process. The practice of empathy is the key to emotional crisis in family matters. Mediation is the bridge between law and human emotions. Mediation is not merely an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) technique but is a transformative process that helps in balancing emotions, healing relationships, avoids litigation.